Never Enough, Oil on canvas over panel, 17” x 74”, 2007
"There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'Enough!': the grave, the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough!' --Proverbs 30: 15-16.
Never Enough is a painting I recently completed in response to the subject of infertility. After several years of unsuccessfully attempting to conceive, my husband and I decided to see an infertility specialist. On the morning I was scheduled to undergo an HSG (hysterosalpingogram), a basic fertility test to determine if there were any blockages in my fallopian tubes, I took a few minutes to read a scripture from Proverbs (I read a daily verse that coincides with the day of the week). Although I’ve read the Bible in it’s entirety several times, both for daily guidance as well as it’s poetic beauty, I always seem to discover something I didn’t see before.
The date was October 30th so I read Proverbs, chapter 30. The verses that jumped out at me automatically were 15 and 16 in which the key passage gives a description of greedy men with illustrations of insatiable cravings that can be observed in nature.
Four notable examples of insatiable desire are: (1) The Grave: Yawning wide and always consuming but never full. Proverbs 27:20a says, “Death and Destruction are never satisfied.” (2) The Barren Womb: The relationship between a woman and her body as a vessel for procreation. There’s a long-standing history of greed and childbearing in various cultures that place a high value on the number of children a woman is able to birth. (3) Parched Land: Always thirsty and eager to soak up as much water as it is given. Especially in agricultural economies where arid farmlands demand an unending supply of water. (4) Fire: An uncontrolled fire will continue to consume until everything in its path is destroyed.
Although this Proverb is most commonly used as a warning against greed and discontent, I was struck by the second example: a barren womb. I pondered the road ahead of me filled with appointments, tests, pills, and injections. I began to wonder if there will always be a void in my life if I am unable to have a child. Will there be a desire in my heart for something that I can never achieve? Will I always feel a sense of being unsatisfied; will I feel like I’m lacking something? There’s always adoption--this will fulfill the need to nurture, but will it really quiet the longing to be a mother of my own offspring? I guess it remains to be seen. I’m consoled by the following two scriptures: “And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippines 4:19), and “For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness” (Psalm 107:9).
The painting consists of four panels; each panel illustrates one of the four symbols of greed mentioned in the Proverb. The first panel shows an open grave, the second-a woman’s torso whose uterus and ovaries are exposed, the third shows a desert floor that is cracked and dry, the final panel is ablaze with the flames of an unquenchable fire. Each panel is 15” x 15” except for the second panel--the female torso. This panel is the largest at 17” x 17”, which indicates it’s significance. The skin tone, painted in shades of blues and grays, represents any woman. Infertility is something shared by women as a whole, regardless of color, ethnicity or culture. The reproductive organs, painted in shades of reds and oranges, depict an empty womb. Over the entire piece hover the words: There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say enough. The hand-painted text appears to be transparent, a shade slightly lighter than the images. Across the bottom of each panel is an intentionally obvious reference to the individual images: open grave, barren womb, parched earth, consuming fire.
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